In case my faithful fans don't realise, 'shout out' is a strange euphemism for 'yak over here'. I demand your attention! Yak back at me, please! This lack of feedback makes me so worked up that I nearly bust a gut in my head, and that's never pretty. No, it is not. Alright, after this shameless plug (latest in a string of shameless plugs), it's time for my usual column:
More things that I hate
1. I hate not being able to eat steamed fish. Steamed fish is not specific, it is representative. I hate that I'm at a stage in my life where I'm denied all the things I love to eat, or at least a good deal of them. Where is my Mee Siam? Where is my Duck Rice? Where is my Fish Porridge? All these are things I like to eat, and this makes me sad.
2. I hate not having something new and exciting to say every day. This does not include the ever-so-exciting 'I went to Wal-Mart today'. Despite the low prices every day, Wal-Mart is not exactly where you go to meet new people, unless, perhaps, you are in Terre Haute, Indiana. Which only makes everything more sad; I hate being sad.
3. I hate not having a car. Not that I'd be able to drive one, but I hate that too. I hate the fact that there's a party going on somewhere and I can't get there. I hate having to sit at home on Saturday nights, thinking about how fun it was to have mowed the lawn. I hate other people having a good time when all I have is this stupid old internet - AOL sucks sucks sucks! Which brings me to number 4.
4. I hate AOL. I hate, hate, hate AOL! I cannot possibly say this enough times; AOL sucks, sucks, sucks! It eats up all your memory and goes all screwy at its pleasure. It makes me think of new and creative uses for pointy sticks. AOL is the devil, and dial-up connections are its sex puppies.
5. I hate having to write hate columns. I'm such a laid back, relaxed sort of guy that it takes a lot to piss me off, but I'm really quite pissed off at this current moment, that is to say, 4.40pm on this Terre Haute friday afternoon. I think I will be better after some carrot juice. Later.
1. I hate not being able to eat steamed fish. Steamed fish is not specific, it is representative. I hate that I'm at a stage in my life where I'm denied all the things I love to eat, or at least a good deal of them. Where is my Mee Siam? Where is my Duck Rice? Where is my Fish Porridge? All these are things I like to eat, and this makes me sad.
2. I hate not having something new and exciting to say every day. This does not include the ever-so-exciting 'I went to Wal-Mart today'. Despite the low prices every day, Wal-Mart is not exactly where you go to meet new people, unless, perhaps, you are in Terre Haute, Indiana. Which only makes everything more sad; I hate being sad.
3. I hate not having a car. Not that I'd be able to drive one, but I hate that too. I hate the fact that there's a party going on somewhere and I can't get there. I hate having to sit at home on Saturday nights, thinking about how fun it was to have mowed the lawn. I hate other people having a good time when all I have is this stupid old internet - AOL sucks sucks sucks! Which brings me to number 4.
4. I hate AOL. I hate, hate, hate AOL! I cannot possibly say this enough times; AOL sucks, sucks, sucks! It eats up all your memory and goes all screwy at its pleasure. It makes me think of new and creative uses for pointy sticks. AOL is the devil, and dial-up connections are its sex puppies.
5. I hate having to write hate columns. I'm such a laid back, relaxed sort of guy that it takes a lot to piss me off, but I'm really quite pissed off at this current moment, that is to say, 4.40pm on this Terre Haute friday afternoon. I think I will be better after some carrot juice. Later.
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