In this world, there are some people who just try too hard. You know, people like that annoying little cousin who keeps trying to ingratiate himself to you, or the vast majority of freshmen in any school, or the little train that could. People who try too hard can sometimes be really, really annoying. Now, if you're like me, you're probably thinking what I'm thinking, namely, 'man, fuck these people. I need a fucking sandwich.' If you're not thinking that, though, you may just be someone who tries too hard.

In an effort to help all you sorry sods who may fall under the category of 'people who try to hard', I polled the opinion of 7 independent experts whose peers rated them as 'pretty chill' in order to try and determine what warning signs could indicate that you or those close to you may be 'trying to hard'. Here are some classic symptoms of people who try too hard:

1) If you find yourself mentioning cool stuff about yourself more than once in a given conversation, regardless of the reason (and yes, because you think nobody heard it the first time counts), you are probably trying too hard. Shut the fuck up and chill out. Nobody needs to know how cool you are, and if they do, they're dorks anyway. Fuck it.

2) If people describe you as 'earnest', you're probably trying too hard. Oscar Wilde wasn't advocating being earnest in 'The Importance of Being Earnest'. He was taking a shit on your trying-too-hard head. Yeah.

3) If you keep trying to justify why things are cool, you're trying too hard. Unless you're doing it ironically, in which case you may have transcended cool and gone to post-cool. Otherwise you're a fucking dork. Cool doesn't say why. Cool just is. Damn straight.

4) If you're going out of your way to meet people at parties, you're probably trying too hard. I mean, you might be really friendly, but then again, if you were friendly and cool, you'd be so busy saying hi at parties that you wouldn't have time to meet people. Let new people come to you, and those that don't are either airheads or losers. Fuck them.

5) If you spend more than, say, 10 minutes (for straight guys) or an hour (for girls or gay dudes) making yourself up every day, you may be trying too hard. Nobody likes walking shitheaps, but then again, no amount of combing will make the zits on your face disappear. So give it up, douchebag.

6) If you're still wondering whether you may be trying too hard, you're definitely trying too hard. If I was a clueless first year reading this, I'd be like, hey, fuck this dude, he's full of shit. Yeah, well, if you weren't thinking that by now, fuck you, you're fucking trying too hard.

The other day I was at this party and there was this dude and we were talking and I shot the shit with him a bit. He was a good kid. He was smoking some weed or something like that, and acting like he was from where all the good shit was so he was, like, a pro stoner or something. I think he was from New York. Anyway, this dude was trying too hard.

As we left the party, he took a right on 52nd, and my friends and I walked down greenwood to my place to drink a few beers. He was all, like, 'yeah dudes, see you guys later, nice meeting you,' and some other shit I don't really care what he said, whatever. So, as he turned I yelled at him, 'yeah, nice meeting you, don't try too hard'. The kid thought I said something important or some shit, so he ran, like, halfway across the intersection and was all, like, 'what?'

I wasn't going to walk over to him, and he hadn't caught up, so I just said it a little louder. I said, 'Don't try too hard, man!'

My friends said that phrase would torment him for, like, his whole first year or something. I beg to differ. I bet, one day, he'll be on his crapper all constipated from trying too hard, then it'll hit him. He'll be all, like, 'oh yeah, I'm trying too hard.'

Maybe then it'll be easier for him to shit.